Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
