No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize