Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
