Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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