I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
