Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
