What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
