I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
