Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just found puke in my bra..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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