it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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