I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She needs sedatives and a leash
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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