btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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