Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
