do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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