I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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