Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
