i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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