His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
