the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
