I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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