did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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