i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
