So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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