I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
