you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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