Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Panties = found
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
