Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
