Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
