God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
