so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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