Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
