White coat. Heels.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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