Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
