Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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