Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
