and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
