When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
