You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
