This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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