Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hippo gnu deer
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
