fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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