ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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