I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
