He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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