yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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