Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
