the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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