miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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