Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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