his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
