Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
