threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
