i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
