i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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