I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
