I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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