I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
