I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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