Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
