so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
