i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
