so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
