Sry I called you an 8
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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