I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
