he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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