I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
