i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
