hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
