So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize