Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
