There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
