oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
