Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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