4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize