he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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