Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
