I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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