can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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