nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
