The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
