I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
