Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
