A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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