come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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