I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
