3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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