God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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