I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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