My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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