do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
