when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
