God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
