actually, I'm a sock model
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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