Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
