im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize