I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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