i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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