please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Panties = found
And then he peed in my hair
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