I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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