Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
