I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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