I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
